FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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