He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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