the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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