I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
try to milk me bitch
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