the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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