Four minutes until I can fart!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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