I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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