After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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