i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
