billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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