Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
