I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
