I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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