Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
