He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I cut my penus on the lid.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
