I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
