Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize