Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
