If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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