remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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