Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
