I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
