I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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