my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
