They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
