It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ladies don't puke and tell
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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