he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
