billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
