i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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