Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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