I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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