Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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