i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
