Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
