yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My feet surprised me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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