His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
