If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
