party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
