he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
