I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
