Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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