She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're earring is so big in my mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
