Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
