If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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