pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
People in love make me want to vomit
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
