The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
