Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
