Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
