Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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