So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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