do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
