The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
