I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
