Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize