is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
