New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
