3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
