When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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