have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
