Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
