my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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