is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize