Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my phone needs a breathalizer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
