ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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