Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
