so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize