I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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