the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
