hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
