I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
