we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
